wild places and gentle moments…

In East Texas, June air can often be as humid as a rainforest. You pray for it to just let go and rain already. It’s so heavy that I struggle to breathe.

This week hasn’t been that way. The days have had a lovely Novemberish feel to them…inviting me to linger a while…in gentle moments well spent. I have learned much.

Bunnies were born in the yard this week. It began in a frustrating once upon a time, turned into a silly sweet day of caregiving, and finally came to a secure and happy end. I’ll write to you of them soon. Yes, dear Dobby Do was involved.

So, there have been busy hours and not so busy hours, which brings me back to my walking once again….

My breathing changes when I set out to walk each evening. It slows, as do I. To be honest, I don’t walk for exercise. I’m not in a hurry to get anywhere or to do anything in particular.

Forest Bathing is becoming quite a popular thing these days which makes me giggle. It seems I’ve been forest bathing for a long time. Who knew?! I had no fancy name for it or scientific studies to tally up in bar graphs as proof that it was a clever idea. And no, you don’t need soap.

Mostly, it’s about listening…to the trees and the wind…to the birds and the frogs…to the echoes of thoughts in my heart…

In everything there is a longing, to be at peace, to create, to love.

In the wild places everything is a part of the longing and belonging…from the fallen tree to the precious snail. The snail moves as peacefully as a breeze. He pauses often to enjoy the lovely moments…the tiny ones that he knows are worth all the time in the world.

The trees reach ever forth in new creation. Fresh leaves leap into the bluest sky. Fresh roots delve into the deepest earth. Trees create in every which direction from the center of themselves.

And what of love…in the wild places love is everywhere.

Deer keep close to one another in the shade of the sweetgum, listening more carefully than I do for rustling in the leaves. Flowers open in colorful surprise, a gift of last season’s efforts and a whole year’s waiting. Frogs sing to me each afternoon as I blow kisses of goodbye and see ya soon. They probably sing to each other…but it’s nice to imagine it’s for me.

I made cheese ladas this week and had leftover corn tortillas. I shall feed the fish, I thought! No need for waste! The perch were boisterous and seemingly starved! A lone catfish was shy about the whole thing. With time and patience he not only came near but ate straight from my hand. My heart raced in joy!

Then, there was this little turtle. I shall call him Tiny Tim after the turtle in the song that I share with the preschoolers. We giggle and make hand motions and always but always sing it twice…

I have a little turtle

His name is tiny tim

I put him in the bathtub

To see if he could swim

He drank up all the water

Glue glub glub

He ate up all the soap

Nom nom nom

Now he’s home

Sick in bed

With bubbles in his throat

Bubbles bubbles bubbles

Bubbles bubbles pop

Bubbles bubbles bubbles

Bubbles bubbles pop!

Again!!

Tim adores corn tortillas! He easily dispersed the perch and even tried to scare off the catfish who is at least three times his size! He grabbed the tortilla bites from my hand and swam far enough away to gobble them down before returning for more. We went on like this until there was no more. Plus, the sun was setting and it was time for me to get home.

Each day I arrived with something to share. Each day the lake dwellers came in their own way…especially Tim.

Last night I was awfully tired and there had been bunnies all day and I had run out of corn tortillas. So it was that I arrived at the lake empty handed…

The perch splashed at me in gleeful anticipation. The catfish floated gently back and forth at the edge of the pier waiting for my hand. But Tim….he really gave me the “what for”!

He swam close to the pier and popped up…

What’d ya bring me?

When I didn’t give him anything he swam off a few inches only to return and pop up…

Seriously, what’d ya bring me?

He began to come up and just stare at me…quietly staring…

Other times it seemed he had a voice –

Hey?

Hey?

Now?

How bout now?

Now?

How bout now?

Tiny Tim was relentless.

I giggled at his eager enthusiasm. I was saddened that I was such a disappointment to him. I never realized that he would invite me into his world. I never thought they would all come up to the surface of the water because of me. Of course I know hunger was involved, a longing for nourishment. But still, there I am, wondering. I have learned my lesson and shall definitely be taking something to share when I head out to walk later. I have no desire to spend my evening being stared at again by Tiny Tim.

I know there will be more days like yesterday when I have nothing to give. The fish and the turtles will come anyway. I’m grateful for that. Love is not always about doing. Nor should it be. Love is about simply being.

Whether one calls it Forest Bathing or Listening doesn’t really matter. It may be a flower coming up through a sidewalk crack that reminds you of that time…or a single pot filled with herbs that you will use to create a luscious meal. It may be an ocean or a mountain top or a forest with a lake. It doesn’t have to be a big place. You only have to feel the gift of it.

When you find the wild places, the simple ones…you discover they are filled with longing for peace and creation…and they sweetly overflow with love and belonging….

****

ellie894 June 15, 2019

Advertisements

tucked away…

I often write things

that I fear are not worth reading

So, I tuck them neatly away

Fragile thoughts folded in upon themselves

The words fade and the pages yellow

As a memory floats into view

*

…of being ten years old

picking blackberries

in a blazing Texas summer sun

no clouds, no shade, no wind

while my cheeks burn red

my pail remains nearly empty

as i search endlessly

hand to mouth

for the One…

you know which I mean

the One that brightens your lips

in a triumphant juicy smile

of sweet buried treasure

once lost

now found

I eat far more than I put in my pail

it remains nearly empty

so tomorrow

there will be no cobbler

or biscuit jam

tonight

there will be no need of dinner

or dessert

only a cool bath gently run

to soothe my fiery skin

the search was everything

it filled me and fed me

left me weary

in the nicest of ways

sleep will surely come

claiming me for its restful own…

*

Tucked away somewhere

Are some yellowed pages bearing faded words

That I should wander through

It is time

To take them out of hiding

Unfold them

And see if anything has ripened

Sweet enough

To fill a nearly empty pail

Perhaps,

In the morning

We shall have biscuits with blackberry jam

And in the evening

Warm cobbler with cold ice cream

And after that,

When the stars come forth to shine

And the fireflies begin their nightly tango

We shall sleep the weary peaceful sleep

Of being ten years old

At the end of a perfect summer’s day

****

ellie894 June 4, 2019

at the ruffled edges…

How often do I wonder

If I am too much

Or not even enough…

…strong the drums begin

listen well and let go my love…

let go and listen well…

Oh…for the feel of the music

…flowing into the depths of me

….comforting the silence of my soul

Can you hear the mockingbird

Dancing along the ivory keys

From black to white….

…and now again…

Gently a splash of turtles

Pleases and eases in the fulsome pauses

While at the ruffled edges

Frogs resound deep as cellos,

And full with moonlit meaning

Eagle spreads wide her wings

Gracefully taking to the heights of the open skies

Calling softly to her lover above the violins

As though she was meant to be there all along

… at last…

a sensual harmony of lost enchantment

…am I at the very heart of it

….or is it at the very heart of me…

…the rhythm echoes

within…with…in…

Until, I am no longer my own

….but, yours my love

a starry midnight note

in the forever of your painted song…

**

I come to rest near the water’s edge at evening. Van Gogh’s Starry Night in my mind’s eye. Beethoven harmonizes well with the soulful sounds of the woods behind me. Ebudae too. And, I am carried far away to lovely places within my heart.

****

ellie894 May 14, 2019

Again please!

Early last evening I drifted off to the sounds of a favorite song on repeat. I wonder how they do it, the composers I mean. However do they know which notes to place beside each other. They choose so carefully. How can they be certain that these two will be more beautiful if they are together. The best music is that way. I can’t listen enough. It is over too soon. I only want it to go on and on…

When I awakened at midnight the song had stopped. But, the rain had just begun. It came strong against the roof. I love it when it does and I haven’t anywhere to be. If only the roof was a tin one…. I snuggled under the covers and deeper into dreams. There were wings there, so many beautiful wings.

I chose some flower bulbs a few weeks ago. The lilies will be a rainbow of colors. The clematis will climb and cover the fence. I am most looking forward to the hollyhocks. I’ve never managed them before. If all goes well they will be tall spires of ruffled pastels. I hope…They are waiting on me. The days are warm enough. There is plenty of rain. I even know where they will be planted. It is time.

A new bunny friend has taken up residence in the nearby woods. She drives the dogs berserk going through the fence at her leisure. She comes and goes as if she owns the place. “It’s been awfully nice, see ya soon!” she calls over her fluffy cottontail. Meanwhile Jack and Dobby bark in helpless frustration that they cannot follow. Good for her!

Have I ever told you that early memory at my very first home? The one when I was very young. The story of the yellow sofa. Oh, I must tell you that one soon. It’s such a happy thing. It’s nice to tuck away the sweet ones and keep them. Like the time you said to me….

Yes, that one’s very dear. I treasure it…as I do you…

Yesterday was the Easter egg hunt! I wish you could have seen the children lined up in a row clutching tight their baskets. They waited so patiently to be let loose in the grass. Anticipation filled the emptiness! I was paired with a new little girl who was heart sad with missing her daddy. But, for a while she let go of her sorrow to search for beauty at her tiny feet. I noticed her pass over the purples and the blues in favor of the pinks and yellows. It touched my heart the way she carefully chose what was just right for her. It wasn’t about having the most or even about having more. A few lovely eggs were enough.

Do you know what I love…that there was plenty…of everything. No one was left out. All belonged. All were found. Happy baskets. Smiling children. And the sky was kind enough not to rain until we had had our fun. One sweet face looked up at me in pure joy and asked – can we do that again?! All over again! I don’t think he even realized there was something inside of the eggs. The search was joyful gift enough.

Now, I’m in a quiet place, one I come to over and again. It’s a searching kind of place where the being here is gift enough. I’m writing to you as I listen to a favorite song on repeat. And I wonder how the composer knew how all those beautiful notes would be even more lovely beside each other….

****

ellie894 April 18, 2019

I lollyed as of late

I Lollyed as of late,

in a soft and lingering spell

of not much,

except for faery and wishes and such.

yes, it’s a word.

I just made it up,

so as to tell you this very story.

I often make up words,

when there isn’t one that says quite what I would like it to.

Lolly is a little like wander,

but, not really.

There is less thinking in Lolly,

and more…knowing.

As sweet as a butter mint,

melting in your mouth.

As enchanting as a bird

taking off to the heavens.

You follow as long as you are able…

softening your gaze,

so you can see,

that which no one else can.

Lolly wings you farther away

than you have ever been

in a single dawn to dusk.

No clocks hang there,

Ticking…where you should be.

instead..

only dreamy escapes at half past maybe three.

A train will carry you there,

ferry you there,

tarry you there…

until the gentle rhythm

eases your weary spirit

in a way you didn’t believe possible.

Disembark now,

let go the path…

but not alone.

You are never alone.

There is no far apart in Lollying…

…only ever closer.

Didn’t you know?

eventually……you will arrive,

in a breezy glen of painted blossoms,

ruffled and freckled

and tenderly laced.

Fragile petals spilling over the edges

into tomorrow circle

and backwards too

into yesterday lane.

Beyond even this prize

is a cozy dozy nook

of forget me not treasure

simply waiting to be discovered…

right here…

almost too small

for searching grownup eyes

are the tiniest letters

carved ever so carefully,

marking this place

our place

then and now and…

always…

****

ellie894 April 4, 2019

What You Love – 321 Quote me

Thank you Rory for inviting me to 321 Quote Me! It was marvelous fun. I confess I had a terrible time narrowing it down to two….so I fudged a bit and added a third. 🙃

My choices for the Topic of Today: ”What You Love”

There came to me among the letters I received last spring one which touched me very closely. It was a letter full of delightful things but the delightful thing which so reached my soul was a question…

Frances Hodgson Burnett

*

Each friendship and love is the intimate journey where the soul is born and grows. It is the drama of the heart’s voyage into the tide of possibilities which open before it.

John O’Donohue

*

Even now,

I know that I have savored the hot taste of life

Lifting green cups and gold at the great feast

Just for a small and forgotten time

I have had full in my eyes from far off my girl

The whitest pouring of eternal light –

From “Black Marigolds” translated from the Sanskrit by E. Powys Mathers

****

321 Quote Me Directory

321 Quote Me Created by A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip!

Rules: 3.2.1 Quote Me!

Thank the Selector

Post 2 quotes for the dedicated Topic of the Day.

Select 3 bloggers to take part in ‘3.2.1 Quote Me!’

My 3 Lovely Bloggers are:

Kinsey

Sarah

Niki

cookies, real estate values on the north side and yoga pants…

I have come to learn that I am doomed to be eternally five years old. Doomed, in the best possible way. It’s all about the questions. I’m sure you’ve noticed that about me by now. I start with them. I end on them. I throw a few in the middle for good measure. It’s not that I work at them. It’s just…there I am and there they are and what am I to do with that?

Now where is that exactly? And how often do you go there? See what I mean?

Also, I write as I walk. At least sometimes, I do. A question, a thought, a string of words arrives like leaves drifting to the ground in autumn. I pause in silence to consider them as they come to land. Oh yes indeed, that one is quite lovely. I’ll save it for later. This very writing that you’re reading began on a wooded walk peppered with questions.

This duck. The one that huddles next to the pier day after day. What kind is it meant to be? Is it male or female? I mean, would it be male or female if it was real? Why do the other ducks, the real ones, avoid it so? It seems friendly enough to me. Is there something about the plastic that upsets them? And is it lonely? Or is it happy to have the simplicity and beauty of the pond all to itself?

Someone will certainly know the answer to at least one of those. Then there will be one less question for me to fret over. That leaves 999 to go…

When the beaver slaps his tail upon the water, is he saying hello to me or rather a very firm goodbye? And why did he move from the south side of the pond to the north side over the winter? Are real estate values better over there?

Trees that bloom too early, long before they should….are they smarter than the other trees after all and get to bloom twice?

Today is less than freezing and yet the birds are twittering, while yesterday they were silent. Does singing keep them warm or are they chittering about the frigid temperatures? It’s positively icy over here Mabel! Well, put on a sweater Marjorie.

Why are violets so tiny? And why are they blooming right now? Don’t they know it’s colder than cold?

Tights vs leggings vs yoga pants? Oh, yes. I’m going there. Which ones do you love and why? And what’s the difference really? Don’t be fooled by outward appearances. There is a difference. I do know this one…sort of…maybe…

Tights are…tight. Who knew? They’re thin and enclose your feet. You wear them to warm your legs under a dress. Theoretically. Wait, tights are Not warm and they’re miserable to wear! Miserable, I tell you. Am I right ladies?! I honestly don’t see the point of them. If anyone ever invents tights that do their job, I’m all in. Until then…no thank you. Plus, they often try to strangle you. Fun fact, as soon as I was of an age to choose my own clothes without my mother’s input…I gave up tights. Done and done.

Then there are leggings. They are also tight but…don’t have feet. Ah! Ok then. No feet. Gotcha. They are absolutely no warmer than tights on a cold day. However, some indeterminate someone wants you to believe they are. That someone is seriously misguided. Leggings are not warmer. Plus your socks don’t fit right and bump into the offending leg wear in weird ways. And if that’s not bad enough, leggings sag in a “tights” like way that makes you want to…well, I’ll leave that note off for now. Let’s just say they’re as ugh as tights.

Onwards and upwards to yoga pants! I’m really not sure what to say here. Guess what…they’re tight! Who knew? Oddly enough yoga pants are in fact comfortable…unless it’s above 75 degrees. Then, they’re hot! Hot! Like Texas in August Hot! Carolina Reaper Hot! If you see anyone wearing yoga pants on a day that’s above 75 degrees I guarantee you they are moving quickly from an air conditioned building to an air conditioned vehicle. Or they are seriously cold natured. I will award yoga pants a gold star in this way though…they actually fit. It’s brilliant! Brilliant I tell you! By the sheer numbers one sees of them…everywhere…I now have a new question. Is almost every woman aspiring to be a yoga instructor? Or are they seeking the comfort that neither tights nor leggings offer?

So to sum up, all three versions are tight. Some fit. Some…don’t. If you put feet on leggings they could be tights. If you cut the feet off of tights they could be leggings. I think yoga pants would lose their value if you added feet. That would just be strange. Which brings me back to my original question, tights vs leggings vs yoga pants? What’s up with that?

Nursing homes are supposed to be sad places. Why do we think so? Why do we declare nursing homes to be sad while grocery stores and shopping malls are deemed happy?

When I go to a place focused on “stuff” the people don’t seem very happy to me. Just an observation. They’re grumpy and children are often crying. Or maybe that’s me crying because I want to go home. The children probably want the same thing that I do while their parents are devastated that they missed out on some important “stuff”. There’s someone over there looking at the stuff I’m looking at. What if they get it first?! I won’t have the stuff I think I need! That’s when panic sets in and there’s a mad dash to acquire the very important stuff. You know…like the last set of yoga pants on the planet. Going out of business folks. There will be no more yoga pants…in the history of…like…ever. Speaking of ever, how long is that anyway?

Shopping questions are easy for me. Do I really need that? Do I have to go shopping? Can I go home now? Do you hear that five year old talking again?

But when I walk through a nursing home the questions loom large over me. Why is there suffering? Why is there so much pain in the world? Whatever can I do to ease…anything for anyone…in any way…ever? What can I do?

I wander through the doors with my heart open and my eyes too, and discover there are a few quiet answers as close as my next breath. These busy spaces are filled to the brim with gentle souls always ready to offer the lovely gift of a smile. They always have time for a warm greeting. Their stories are always divine and as varied as the books on a library shelf! They will most certainly make you laugh. Sometimes they will make you cry. In truth we need very little in this world…but we need that little so very much…

Which brings me of course to…cookies! A writing about 5 year old me and questions would never be complete without a cookie section. Am I right? Who loves them? Hint…me. Who doesn’t love them? Hint…not me. Can I eat too many in a day? Are they good for breakfast? Lunch? Dinner? Should one slather them in peanut butter? Should one dunk them in milk or hot tea? Are chocolate chip better than oatmeal? If one adds chocolate chips to oatmeal, is it then a chocolate chip cookie or an oatmeal cookie? Some might declare it to be an oatmeal chocolate chip at that point. Valid argument but now we’re getting into tricky territory, the very nature of a cookie and its ingredients. Philosophy at its utmost! If one adds icing or frosting or glaze does it lose its cookieness? And my two personal favorites –

Are cookies the world’s most perfect food?

Do cookies make everything better?

If you’ve been following me for any length of time you already know my answers to the last two. Smiles and winks.

Are there more questions than I have answers for? Will I ever stop asking? Would I even want to? What about you? Are you eternally five years old? And do you question too?

Welcome to my world. Come rest with me for a while. We shall have cookies and tea and ask questions…together…and won’t that be delightful?

****

ellie894 March 11, 2019

P. S. Dog questions are a volume all their own and will be saved for another place and time…

Tell the Story… eternally I pace the darkness…

Tell the Story –

Rory of A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip has tagged me to follow up in this challenge of “Tell the Story’ which was created by The Eclectic Contrarian .

Above is his image for Tell The story.

****

I am weary of being misunderstood in the twilight world of men who claim to know.

They only see what they have a mind to see.

**

Eternally I pace the darkness

Rumbling about my cave in thunderous tones

That you, oh lost one, mistake for signs of danger

But, it is to my own dear love that I cry out.

Her silence fills my nights with fireflies

She alone sees beyond my masked and stone facade

…to find the gentleness of who I truly am.

**

Before I tell you the tale of her, I humbly ask, what do you see?

Do you see a mountain…that you will not climb, as you believe me to be the unmarked path leading to the cliff that will drop you to your failing…

Do you see waters of the deep…fearing I will take your life…your very breath is at stake…you choose instead to float helplessly on the surface, gasping for air…

Do you see a desert…closing tight your eyes against the biting winds heavy with my stinging sands…and leave me parched and alone…you haven’t the stillness to weather my life giving vision…

Do you see a rock…casting me as the stoic boulder on a dreary forest floor…only a hurdle that blocks your way and nothing more. Once you paused to look a second time imagining that you heard my beastly growl. You turned and fled all the faster…

Do you see a burning sun…and feel me in the scorching rays…too hot to touch….You run far, until you come to the land of cold shadows and bundle yourself in ill begotten furs…never trusting that I could thaw your frozen heart…

Do you see darkness…quaking in the unknowable abyss of nightmares and time gone wordlessly by…drifting and forgotten…neither clouds nor moon…only an emptiness of nothing…

**

Is there any place at all where I reside that you can understand?

When you look upon me

Wherever I may be

You only see the reflection

Of your own fear and longing.

That is not

And never will be

Me…

**

There is One who knows me.

Her heart is strong.

She listens and searches for the truth of me.

So, to her…

I am the softest mist that whispers to her soul on a hopeful mountaintop…there she is free to touch the sky as she waits in peaceful rest.

I am the swirling currents of the ocean tide rich with life and iridescent beauty. In passion I bear her to the depths of ecstasy fulfilled.

I am the river song with no beginning embracing soft her luscious land, an ever giving oasis, the growing mystery of the sands.

I am the lover that stands resolute beside her in the magic of the faery wood. The growl that you thought you heard…that was only my laughter as her breath tickled soft my ear.

I am the warmth upon her face on a cold and bitter day. She turns to me in a graceful arch believing spring is on its tender way.

I am the shooting star that holds her hand as we dance across a midnight sky…lighting up her darkness…never do we ask how or why…

I am the sweetest dream that kisses her to brilliant life in a moonlit voyage of once upon a time.

**

And now…

Do you see me for what I am…

Or are you still wrapped tight in fear of what you cannot understand…

It’s alright…

She holds my soul and it is enough.

**

Her love is the very strength of me

And I am the gentle beast of her trusting heart

We echo in forever dreams

Sailing celestial waves never more to part

**

I know all of these treasures because she tells me so…because she sees me so.

And now, if you’ll excuse me…I’m off to all the wheres that we will go…

****

ellie894 February 4, 2019

My warm thanks to Rory for a grand and friendly blog site, the kind tag and his strong and wonderful image!

Below is my gift of an image to All of you. I invite anyone who is so inspired to use it to tell a tale!

write to me…

Morning arrives.

Yesterday is done and done.

This day that beckons to me,

Never before has it been lived…

Bird song and light footsteps on a woodland path, carry me.

Bejo,

loved flowers, oceans and woodland walks even though she spent much of her life behind office walls that bear the weight of busy concrete cities.

My ever sassy grandmother…

She baked a tender biscuit…brought order to an unruly boardroom full of men where she was the only woman…grew fairy roses like magic…and tended the loving spirit of a sister soon to depart the world…

She laughed brilliantly with her head thrown back in joyful abandon.

She cried the tears of heartbreak that linger in ways that others will never know…because one pushes them aside to keep on….

My brother arrived first in the family so, he bestowed her with her grandmother name. Bejo was one of a kind…

Mike, Suzanne, Bejo

She gave me libraries, woods, old photographs, art and writing….we explored a thousand things when I was a little girl…

Bejo wore a cotton dress with her sensible boots, even in the wilderness. A walking stick accompanied her, just in case. No adventure would dare to escape her!

I can hear her still –

One must tend to oneself no matter where one might be in life.

Sit up straight.

Please and thank you.

Use a soft voice.

There is always time for beauty.

Paint just because you want to.

Write to me…

Thoughts on the circle of time, travel with me wherever I go…

I wander the forest with them…every day.

A Celtic knot returns unto itself.

Just as my walk circles and centers me.

When I return home, then I have completed another circle, albeit an off kilter messy one.

As long as it comes round to its beginning, doesn’t that make it a circle…

A Celtic knot spread is a circle.

A heart pushed in all directions to its outermost is a circle too.

I wonder over why a moment or an image or a thought takes hold of me.

I am helpless to let it go until I move through it mindfully

And make it my own somehow.

I write and write to clear my head and cleanse my heart.

always…there is more.

Bejo and her love

Souls don’t want to be told what to do…not really.

Bejo certainly didn’t!

She was the teller, never the tellee!

I think there is enough of that in the world already. Telling, I mean.

Perhaps, instead a soul wishes for a reminder that life can somehow bear sorrow and that love will always find a way…

At the age of 19 my grandmother married a man from New Orleans

who played minor league baseball by day

and a jazz fiddle by night…

She left him

Never to return

When my father was only three years old

They took a train back to her home in Texas

Hungry in both body and spirit…

I love mornings like this one…

If only I could be still for the whole long short day.

The whir of the fan, curtains drawn, soft light, quietly absorbed in transcribing the stories of my dreams. Breathing them into life.

Someone may read them…perhaps, no one ever will. Either way…it is ok.

Bejo with Dad

How much I take in! Every day…All the time! Even as I sleep I gather notions in the reflection of my nightscape. Gather and tend. Gather and tend. Sometimes it is too much. I cannot hold it all at once.

Some of it falls in the lined pages that hold my thoughts.

Letters slanting to the right, edge to edge becoming words, one beside another until a page is filled and my thought comes round in an ever widening circle.

What then…

Do I feel better…that I have taken time to listen.

For a few moments I have stopped the whole busy world, except for my hand.

I give myself over to a thirsty pen, rich with ink, making every last thing bright with possibility!

Some mornings I have a tight grip that fights its way, leaving me with a worn feeling up and down my arm. Those thoughts come painfully. Soreness follows them. Sometimes those are just the sorts of words that need to be written. Some days are like that.

But, this day is soft,

Sky and heart and words…

I don’t know what it will become.

Joyful or crowded or silly…only time will tell.

for now…

….the edges are blurred in a lovely disarray that leaves me hopeful.

There is the comfort of listening….to music, to my heart, to that which carries me backwards and forwards and everywhere at once…to take out of nothingness and make something worthy of an eager pen.

Bejo as a little girl on the farm in Bryan, Texas

Bejo lived more circles than I have ever tried to count…and loved deeply, often unnoticed.

A woman who changed her name when that wasn’t done.

And worked as many hours as they would let her to provide for an extended family during the Great Depression.

A woman so formidable that she had Two birthdays!

To be honest, Bejo was not overly fond of me when I was a child. That was just her way. We came to know each other when I was well grown. Then, she took me into her heart and showed me the depth of herself that she seldom shared. How grateful I am…

Bejo wrote…

Professionally with precision

Advisingly with a sharp tongue

Personally with a woman’s heart

And she did it All without the benefit of the Internet!

She wrote letters longhand

She taught me to write letters longhand

We lived far away from one another for most of my life

She kept my childhood letters

And I kept hers

I have them all now, tucked safely away.

She loved me I think…as I did her…

I often feel her close in spirit

Reminding me…of many things…

So when I pause

to wander my thoughts

and gather brilliant images

to create a new old story

one that I so long to share…she is with me…

another lovely circle coming round in beauty and grace

Write…she dares me…all that you live and love and dream and are…write to me…

****

ellie894 January 19, 2019

Happy Birthday Bejo, all my love always, suzie ❤️

Bejo 1929

If you would have a heart to love

I retrace my path of yesterdays, a step and two and three

At the edge of where the ocean comes to land

And where my heart is free…

*

I pause in awestruck wonder…

An enormous hourglass of wood and clearest crystal

Suspended above the terra firma, afloat in a cloudy sky

I cannot see you within, my love

But, my heart knows you are there and I am lost in why…

*

The sands of a thousand days and more

Have flown and settled here one simple grain by one

*

A life they make, full and rich with much of this and that

Yet, as I stand outside of it and gaze at the towering mountain within….

*

I know in my very depths…

My love…he cannot breathe…

For the weight of it all upon him now, he has never any ease

*

The sands of time are closing in with each and every passing day

They tighten so about him

He cannot rest, or find his way

*

Infinitely it swirls upon itself letting not a single thing escape

My thoughts, they spiral in a pleading search

Hoping for an answer robed in grace

*

I am very small…whatever can I do…

*

Within my reach a gleaming sword stands ready

In silence does it wait

I fear it will be too much for me to wield

I fear I will fall short…

But, for my love

I choose and try

To take it firmly by the hilt

And raise it high

I swing with all I am

And although the glass is met…it trembles only slightly

Over and over I brandish the blade

Against the clear enclosure

Yet, to no avail…

Worn and weary…I fear that I have failed

I drop the steel,

Watching as it crashes to the ground

…my heart begins to weep…

…to cry without a sound…

*

This trap of holding time

How smooth and cold it is, and heavy with the world,

I close my eyes

While my fingers, feather soft reach forth in gentle touch…

And, with such as that, in less than a whisper

I hear the echo of a break begin…

A tiny fissure runs along the side…

*

What ray of hope is this!

*

One single grain of sand slips out

Racing through the air to solid earth

Another follows…and another still…

Until it becomes a healing stream of letting go…

*

The sandy scars of days that have been crushed upon each other

Swiftly fall away…

The rhythm of my heart begins to beat anew

As the melody of life does play

*

Soon enough the weight on him will lighten

My love will breathe once more

The morning air of a hopeful dawn

Fresh and simply pure

*

Time is neither linear or by a circle bound

*

One needn’t have an hourglass

To forever turn

And so command the moments

Within your heart to always burn

*

As the minutes and the hours fall

Joy and sorrow, both therein

We seek to collect them each around us

In a vain attempt to hold too many all at once

It is a fearful thing, this holding

And we begin to suffer from the force of it

*

Let the sand slip easily through

And come to rest where it belongs, upon an open shore

Caressed by tender winds

Kissed hungrily by ocean waves of evermore

*

If we would have breath to live

And heart to love

We cannot carry the entirety of our days

We were never asked to…

*

Like the sturdy world beneath our feet,

Moments are intended to hold Us…

Not us to hold them…

*

Mark the days if you must, my love

But only live them one by one

And let each of them gently go when their now is done…

*

Time was never meant to be contained within a glass

No matter how beautifully crafted it may be

*

So, I offer you this…

*

Gaze sweet and long into the endless ever blue

Warm yourself in the fire of the golden rising sun

Wish for wisdom from your guiding star

Dream deeply in the night for all the beauty yet to come

*

And last but mostly this, I hope for you to fly…

And breathe in ease and knowing love

I shall always be nearby…

****

ellie894 January 2, 2018