There are a thousand ways
And more…
To love
Without ever touching…
How very brilliant is that
And yet,
How often we forget…
To quietly create a home
Within a tender heart…
Sweetly unnoticed
By the busy world
****
ellie894 September 15, 2018
the sleepy edge of the world
Darkest night waits outside the window. Morning doesn’t look like morning yet. Satie’s piano calls softly to my pen. The feel of it is as easing to my heart as my gray dress is to my skin. In my china cup the tea leaves born in distant lands come to vibrant life and warm me through. A flame licks at the coolness from the confines of the yellow glass scenting the air with wild honey. It intrigues me so… and I wonder…
Where do I belong in this sleepy edge of the world…
Here at the kitchen island…far away across the sea…soaring a vast blue sky…peacefully amongst the stars…
I am in all of those places because they are all within me. It is only that I must remember to visit them. One needn’t go far by foot to be far in thought. You may go to the stars as often as you like, drift and dream and linger.
You may dance upon the crested wave in time with the universe. Sailors will gaze into the dawning light and smile to see you there and catch themselves swaying to the rhythm of your soul.
You may float the sky so that those who journey far below will stop and wonder at how gently you fly. You lift their eye and their heart follows. They take their own next step because they’ve caught the feather of your hope and seen for a moment…joy.
Each time you travel the wild places alone you somehow take others with you, show them something new, whisper in their ear, gift them with hope…
They follow and reach out to touch you because there is a blush of forever upon your cheek and they yearn to feel the warmth of it.
I wish that I could recall my dreams. Perhaps I do when I write of wings and oceans and heartbeats. Perhaps even in not recalling…I remember…
So much happens to you in a lifetime. Where does it all go to wait for you to catch up. Or do you not need to catch up. Are you only called to be here…
I am in a kitchen
Listening to a piano
Watching a flame
Smelling warm honey
Tasting tea leaves
From far off lands
My senses caressed
And my heart beating
One precious note at a time
Into the wildness
Of far away places
That are as close as
My own dear thoughts
I am the music and the dance
I am the ocean and the wing
I am the darkness and the light
Will you soar with me to unknown places
Will you take my hand and kiss my cheek
Will you follow me in the silence of my simple steps
And lay with me among the shining stars
Let now be now
And let always be forever ours…
****
ellie894 September 4, 2018
listening to Once Upon a Time in Paris by Erik Satie
If I should write of the wind…
If I should write of the wind
Until my hands are sweetly sore
And the ink in my quill has all dried up
Until it isn’t anymore,
I wonder if my windy words
Would soon begin to bore…
But then…I pause to ponder love
That has been written so dearly of
A thousand, thousand times before
How love once true never tires
Of climbing its towering castle spires
Laced with delicious phrases
Edged in luscious mazes
Of many a moment
Tenderly spent…
Why then should the wind,
Be any different
As gusty he sweeps
and blustery he blows
Lifting me high from off my toes
I need not touch
The sturdy ground below
As He tickles away my fear
To softly declare in my listening ear
All the beautiful wheres
That ever we shall go
All because…the wispy wind does blow,
Rather the same as love I muse
If the wind is such
And love is more and much
Why then should life be any other way…
Than to carry me in the very heart of it
And rock me slow in passion’s sway…
****
ellie894 August 2018
Beauty Between Dreams
In fairy tales and dreams we bestow things with life! The most delicate flower and the most grizzled bear take on a contentment or a sorrow that mirrors our own. We cry and laugh with them, as we see ourselves.
I love this spot, just here, where the meadow gives way to the forest. On a hot summer day it offers the respite of cool shade. In the midst of rain it promises shelter. In moments of despair it is safe to let go of my tears. And, in times of sheer joy…I dance as the faeries do…unseen, unbidden, and all the more brilliant for it…
See the timbers lining either side of the path drawing you forward. They have been waiting in that same spot for a long time now. At least three seasons have come and gone. I don’t recall the first day they came to be here. But I do remember wondering why. I decided they were probably meant for the pier, some freshening up.
Winter covered them in a pristine blanket of snow. Spring burst forth with flowers in every hue darting up between them. Summer days are still upon us, dusty and hot and buzzing with dragonflies. The timbers wait. The pier waits. And so, of course my thoughts turn to waiting.
How much of our life do we spend in waiting…all of it, really. I imagine there are a few dear souls that embrace the now so completely that they are exempt from the waiting that fills my days and nights. I have much to learn from them.
As I think again of the timbers, I giggle. To write that they are waiting somehow gives them character and personality. How often do we do that as well, imbue life and voice to things that cannot speak for themselves. Don’t get me started on Toy Story 3! I will absolutely not go there!
When I was a very little girl I had a beloved Raggedy Ann doll. She had shiny black eyes under triangle lashes and hidden beneath her calico dress was a red heart in just the right place that declared…I love you… I never went to sleep without her tucked securely into the crook of my arm, hugged tightly against me.
I imagined that she waited for me as well. When I was away she rested on my pillow ready to greet me with a smile upon my return. I always did return. I loved her so long and so hard that her face began to wear away. I can still see the blue threads underneath. I grew afraid to hold her…that my love would cause her harm…
My dear Mimi came to the rescue with a gentle and skilled hand. The waiting was awful! But soon enough Raggedy and I were back to our nightly snuggles.
Ellie and Jack, Bo and Dobby watch my every move with eager anticipation. Keys mean that I’m leaving them behind. A resigned sadness seems to descend on them that makes me want to stay. Whereas, phone in my back pocket and earbuds nearly drives them through the roof with excitement! Shoes tied…check. Bag of bread…check. Little white rectangle box…aka phone…check. Long white chord attached to ears…we don’t really get it but…it’s something she seems to like…so…check! Aargh! We’re going walking! Right this second! Jaw in paw waiting…all worth it!
A few weeks ago I dreamed of a time and a place spent in a brilliant pause before what would come next. I was taken ahead not left behind. It was the sort of dream that leaves me wishing that I could photograph the images that light up my own night sky. Perhaps I’ll play with my words until I get it all just so and share it…but for now it isn’t ready…
It’s not a bad thing. A thousand times before it has been written – we live in the waiting.
Some waiting is so much harder than others it seems. Maybe. We fight at it instead of resting in it. I don’t know what it is that you wait for…
the reassuring smile of your beloved…
cookies warm from the oven…
the tiniest egg to hatch with new life…
your train to arrive…
a glass of wine to be shared…
the gate to open wide before your eager paws…
a sigh of grateful relief…
rain to fall or skies to clear…
sweet news from afar…
the melody of song to fill your heart…
your best friend to be repaired…
or simply the next breath to come…
Ever so gently and quietly beauty waits for us as we dance between dreams and responsibilities.
In the brightness of a summer day when the stars have gone to shine elsewhere, will you wait with me in the cool shade of a grand and silent tree…
In the darkness of a winter night when the sun burns far away, will you wait with me in the glow of a warm and crackling fire…
In the heart of waiting there is love…always, there is love…
Will you wait with me…
****
ellie894 August 2018
Thank you to my dear friend G for the photograph of the train station in loving memory of my father.
long lemonade days…
I was awake for a long while in the night, traveling my thoughts…
When I finally fell into sleep I found myself nearly a part of the sky. I swayed with the motion of the air, a vast ocean waiting so very far below to catch me if I should tumble…and rock me amongst the cresting waves…
So it is that I am tired and a little lost in the cool woods this morning. They wrap around me gently, rather like a long hoped for embrace…a well worn path, the sandy spots full of ant lion funnels, and the alcove where the creek begins to form the lake from a spring that truly never ends…
It took me three rounds before Jack and Bo would settle enough to sit and wonder at lakeside. It is cooler than it should be for the first of August in Texas! I will just be grateful. Very grateful… There are at least two more months of heat ahead.
I am ever so sad when the words don’t come…when they float just out of reach so that I cannot quite gather them…or they hide altogether, crushed under last year’s leaves.
The birds are not singing. Perhaps they are as parched and quiet as I am. The flowers have disappeared as the dry days follow one upon another. August has arrived to simmer and stew all once more, in the laziness of iced tea and long lemonade days spent in the shady rhythm of a back porch swing.
I lift my eyes to the shelter of the pines and beyond them to the blue that begs to be explored. Softness cradles my heart. I love the way morning sun catches in a spider’s web making it glisten with the magic of a day yet to be lived and a night left behind in shadow.
Later it may all give way to a whispered breeze that breaks the silence of a hot afternoon. The ice gladly melts, leaving trails of abandoned moisture to race upon the clear cold glass.
And so, my thoughts turn to tales as they so often do…there is something special about August reading though…to abandon oneself to a story well told, captivating in every detail. When the cicadas hum and buzz in sleepy cadence and the birds cannot bring themselves to share… I want to listen… I want to still my heart and soul… I want to read…to get lost in reading…
I revel in precious books I’ve held a thousand times! Their worded treasure has become a part of me. And yet, the adventure of the new beckons me forth to the cliff’s edge…let go of the jagged rocks he calls! Take to the sky she echoes… take to the sky… and discover your wings…
And, what of love you ask…where does it reside in the dog days of summer…where it will I suppose…as love always finds a way…just as the light catches in the simplest of places to give the promise of something more…so too does love…to sweeten the lemonade and frost the glass…and just when you think you can’t take another sweltering moment…
the breeze stirs from across the water and within your heart…sending ripples of hope right through to the edges of you…where day dawns and night falls and you sail into the horizon of your sweetest dreams…come true…
****
ellie894 August 1, 2018
somehow…
Some days,
life is not at all what I thought it would be
Some days,
it is so very much more than I could ever have imagined
All my quiet heart can do
Is to take this one day
That lays sweetly before me
And gently cover it with love
Hoping…
That somehow
It will be a touch more beautiful
For someone
Somewhere…
****
ellie894 June 2018
who…
This morning is still…so still that it invades me…heartbeat slows…breath deepens. And, for a moment I believe with all my soul that whatever will be…can be….
The only sound…an owl cutting through the darkness…resonant and pure…
Who, he asks
Who…
Stately and noble I imagine him to be…commanding of his chosen perch and even of the night itself…
The moon is so far away from full that darkness shrouds the world in pitch…making his call more poignant with every moment…
Who are you…who were you once upon a time…who will you be when given the chance…one day…
Who does he ask…who will listen…anyone…or only me…
Who do you sing to across the unknown…who do you dance with upon the deep…
Who whispers tenderly when no one hears…who blows kisses when no one sees…
Who cares for you when all other eyes are sleeping…who do you dream of in your night’s repose…
Who do you silently suppose…
Who makes a difference in who you are…whether near or far…who, my love…
Who, he queries endlessly…flying me high on his wondering wings…
Day approaches and his notes suddenly become as silent as he is invisible to me…
Deeper into the trees he makes his way…once again he waits in solitude for the starry night to return in soft embrace…leaving me to face the light on my own…
With nothing but the echo of his solitary question thundering through my slowly beating heart…
who…
****
ellie894 May 2018
where are they now…
I wonder…at all the lines filled with all the words that have found a home here within this virtual world…of all the wounds of all the souls shared within this place without walls…of all the love strong and true that rejoices or aches in the rhyme of you…and of all the fragile thoughts that didn’t quite make it…of all the ones that were cut and tossed…where are they now…and what will they do…just imagine…how very lovely they must be too…
****
ellie894 May 2018
I search your horizon…
I search your horizon
For where to begin
Meadow to forest to sky
My thoughts are no longer
Mine alone…
And I no longer ask why
They are tied and tangled with you
I am quite helpless
And breathless
Not certain what I can do…
Only write them
One lovely word at a time
Working slowly
At the knot
Unable to see
Where I leave off
Where you pick up
Is this word for you
Or from me
How often my heart
Bends to the breeze
A whisper of silken thread
Woven amidst
your satin sky
A pillow to adorn
Our dreamy bed
I write and write
With gentle hand
As the clock ticks away
Across timeless land
First my word
Then yours
There’s never any use
As the sun crashes
Into the ocean of night
We are still tangled
You and me
My heart gives a tender sigh
After all…
It’s the way true love
Is meant to be…
****
ellie894 April 2018
in the shining and in the dark
No dreams last night, or at least none that I can recall. I’m a little antsy. Maybe about writing. Maybe something else. Walking in the rain. Trees that fall down. Clyde and Camellia. Creepy crawlers and all grown up. Growing up is when you learn to not run from what’s in front of you. I’m staring more than writing. Why is it always so hard to get started.
Before dawn, still sleepy eyed I tiptoed out the back door. With bare feet I took the small step down off the back porch in search of the gentle silvery spotlight of the full moon. Sand gave way under my feet. It surprised me at how soft and cool it was. I dug my toes in just a little. Jack and Huckleberry joined me in honoring the hushed silence of the moment. The sweet moon gathered all round me in a lovely embrace.
She was perfectly wonderful making her way through the trees…as though she was there…just for me. How funny that always seems. When something so universal feels so intimate. Far off, a solitary owl, his call echoing through the woods…to who…to who… and there I was too, as still as anything in the shining and in the dark, feeling…very solitary.
I wonder, how many stood under the same moon at the same moment. did they wonder too. did they hear an owl hoot. did they feel special in an alone sort of way. a small part of something so much bigger than themselves. did they wish upon a star. did they hum a little tune.
Or…was I after all…the only one standing in the light of the moon, looking to the stars for guidance and for hope. Saying a prayer for courage and for grace…
As we headed out on our morning walk the sun began rising behind me. Already he was warming the sand that had been so delightfully cool only moments before. My time worn path lay before me lit from within by a fiery glow. This way! He called. Ahead, the moon was still high in the sky. But with every step I took… it faded just a little more.
She became transparent…and then…invisible…right before my eyes. what now? how will I know? My silvery rays of hope…The moon is still there in the sky. I trust that she is…even when I cannot see her… I know in my heart…she is there…always…
ellie894 